This is going to be quite a strongly worded rant, that I probably should apologize for in advance, but I'm not going to. I refuse.
I guarantee you I'm going to offend one or many of you, but at this point, this is something that's been weighing on my mind for some time now, ESPECIALLY in regards to the young men in the Church. And I have to get this out in black & white so I can at least clear my mind of the anger, frustration and disappointment when it comes to many returned missionaries.
Now, I realize that this may or may not apply to everyone. And I will say that yes, I do understand that many RM's face unparalleled hardships when they return home that were maybe not as grievous as they were before they went out to preach the Gospel.
And I do realize that a few men in my acquaintance have chosen not to serve missions, and are faithful in keeping their temple covenants and worthy of the Priesthood which they administer. OR, are men who have served missions and are still perfectly active in the Church. These are men that I value more than anything, men who I admire and look up to always. Let me ease your conscious when I say, I am not aiming this at you. You have done splendidly so far, and I hope and pray that you keep on enduring to the end like you have always done.
My venting session today, my throw-down if you will is towards the men (and possibly some women, though they are rarer to find than the men) who served a full, honorable mission, made sacred covenants in the temple, sacrificed two years of their life willingly, performed & saw miracles on a weekly, if not daily basis, and not ONE YEAR after they return from their 24 months, decide to go inactive. Completely inactive. Like the last 21+ years of their life never happened.
They turn their backs on the Church, and forget about the 2 years they spent preaching, proselyting, tract-ing, etc. etc. Not only do they go completely astray, but they begin living a lifestyle and developing habits that they TOLD THEIR INVESTIGATORS AND CONVERTS NOT TO DO!
I'm sorry, but I have little to no sympathy of this epidemic. None whatsoever. I have had at least five guys in my social circle follow this exact same pattern. FIVE. Five too many.
Forgive me for going Jeffrey R. Holland on you S.O.B.'s, but that is COMPLETELY unacceptable. Reprehensible. Despicable. Yeah, I said it. I'll say it again. UNACCEPTABLE.
And you know what? I've found that a possible contributing factor among these men, is the fact that they are in their mid to late twenties and still unmarried. All of these guys are single and either dated a little and never got anywhere, or got their heart broken by some chick they thought was "the one."
Oh B.F.D.! Seriously. Big EFFING deal. If that's what got you so butt hurt to begin with, then maybe that just goes to show your real maturity level & the fact that maybe you have some growing up to do before you find her. Oh, and by the way, you're NOT going to find the mother of your future children and loving eternal companion in a BAR. or at a RAVE, or STRIP CLUB or wherever the hell you're hanging out, being a douche bag.
Wake up Sunshine, ain't gonna happen.
That being said, I'll also add that how can you look one of YOUR converts in the eye, a person you prayed for every day on the mission, a person you baptized & confirmed, a person you maybe even attended their sealing & marriage in the temple a year later? How can you look them in the eye & admit to them that the Gospel "is just not for me," or "it's too hard," or "I'm just figuring out who I am," or whatever B.S. excuse it is you're making up because you're simply too lazy to get your ass back in a pew?
OR, how can you look your companion in the eye? Your mission president? The people who were with you every step of the way, saw the good days & bad days, the light & dark sides of you and yet stuck by you every step of the way?
To give you an example about how wrong you are, let me just tell you that my brother served an honorable mission 2 months after my father's passing. While he was on his mission, my grandmother died unexpectedly. After he returned home, he was married and then divorced 4 years later. Yet he is STILL active in the Church, still attends his meetings, still honors his Priesthood, still attends the temple & still magnifies his callings. Doesn't he have more of an excuse than you do to quit? Doesn't he have more pull to throw in the towel & say "It's too hard" or "It's not fair" or "Why is it always me?"
Well he hasn't. And he won't. Because of one thing & one thing only:
Out of all of the people in Chile that he converted, the most important person he did convert was himself.
Elder Holland put it perfectly when he said this:
"How can any missionary could go do what we're asking you to do, and come home and not be faithful to that very doctrine and those very covenants and those very principles and those very ordinances, something is manifestly wrong. [...] We need to convert you and then you figure out how to convert investigators."
"When I said leave you nets, it was forever. When I asked you to follow me, it was forever. When I asked you to be an apostle, it was forever. When I asked you to be a missionary it was forever! When I asked you to see this through to the end, it's because it's not over till it's over. Now forget your nets, and forget the fish and jettison your boats and throw your oars away and feed my sheep. We're in this till the end. And that's the day Peter strode into eternity. [...] and the issue is for all time and all eternity. Do you love me? Do you love me? Do you love Him? You need to decide tonight whether you're on a course that's committed to the idea that you really love God. You really do love the Savior. And if you do, then your call is to feed His sheep forever. Now can you understand why you must never and can never come back? It will never be the same. Peter you can't go home! You can't go back to fish, you can't go back to Galilee. You can't go back to boats. It's over. It is a new life, a new day, a new time. This commission marks that hour in your life. You CANNOT go back. And if you do you will break my heart and the heart of God himself. If you turn your back on the Gospel of Jesus Christ, which you have pledged your life to teach. I'm here at 47 years and counting. I pray that it is never ever over for me. And I pray that it is never ever over for you. And if you are ever tempted on your mission or after to leave this faith or commit a transgression or to walk away from the covenants you've made, not assuming we're perfect & knowing we're gonna make mistakes, but your course needs to stay true. You can't go back. You've left your nets. And you're gonna feed sheep. You're going to be disciples of the Lord Jesus Christ for time and eternity."
Lastly, to leave on a bit of a higher note, I'll just share this:
If you have strayed, if you did know of a surety that this is the Gospel of Jesus Christ, if you had a testimony, it's not too late. It's never too late. And as Jeffrey R Holland said, it's not over till it's over.
Come back. Leave your nets. Feed His sheep. & do it forever.
It goes without saying that I seriously have the cutest nieces & nephews on the planet.
So every time I get a chance to hang out with them, I not only jump, but LEAP at the chance. Suffice it to say, I was ecstatic when I was told I could go home early yesterday 2 hours before my shift was up to spoil my nephews: Nathan, Connor & Cole, rotten with double scoops of Baskin Robbins, fruit gushers, pirate booty and Harry Potter 7 part 2.
And I enjoyed every minute of it! My sobrinhos and books are the only things in the world I don't mind blowing cash on. Well, that and food :)
At the end of our adventures at the Atlanta History Center, throwing rocks and petting the baying sheep, we went home to watch the last half of Harry Potter 7. Even Nathan, who isn't as big of a HP fan as Connor & Cole, was enthralled as Hogwarts started getting blown to smithereens, wizards starting dying, giants were getting cut in half. So much so, that when my brother and sister-in-law showed up Cole actually started bawling saying he didn't wanna go home!
Who has two thumbs and is the best aunt in the freaking world? THIS GIRL!
By the way, have I mentioned that Nathan wants a German Shepherd when he grows up & Connor & Cole love Harry Potter? These kids have the BEST taste! And who did they learn it from... oh right, ME!
*Sigh* I'm really gonna miss these kids for a year & a half... really.
So, it's been a while since I've blogged about dating, or men in general, but recently I've thought a lot about the kind of guys I've dated in the past, and MANY of them have come with deal-breakers or red flags.
Many of my friends, guys in particular, have asked me what my "type" was & I've always said I didn't have one which translated to "I date anything male that moves." A gross misapprehension I assure you. However, I have been known to date a variety of douche bags, though I will say my taste in men has gotten better over time.
Since I'm happily single (and plan on being so at least for the next 2 years), and hormones & loneliness are not clouding my judgement, I've decided to make a list of things that are absolute DEAL BREAKERS for me. No exceptions. No leeway. No amendments or retractions.
That way, I can come back here and see the things that are essential for my happiness, and if said man does not fulfill all of them, he's on the next train back home. Now, when I say deal breakers, I'm not talking about superficial, idiotic deal breakers like Must have a six pack at all times or Looks exactly like Edward Cullen or Is making six figures by the time he graduates from college. These are things that mean a lot to me, and things that I absolutely CANNOT live without, and to be honest, things that are really not hard at all to meet. These standards aren't exactly Yale or Oxford worthy...
Here they are, a few simple, unadulterated, bare necessities of life:
-He HAS to love reading & be willing/excited to read to our kids. He doesn't need to be a voracious reader, like me, but he at least has to have a list of his favorite books, and books he wants to read in future. If I EVER hear anyone, male or female say they "hate reading"... I may end up throwing the 7th Harry Potter book straight to their gonads.
-He HAS to have dreams & ambitions. If he doesn't care about anything, if he's indifferent about a career or a passion in life...no deal. (However, I have been enamored with many a man who wish to choose music or film or the arts as a viable career, knowing full well that it will take a while to make it a lucrative lifestyle, or will end up making no money at all. This is something I'm completely fine with and actually prefer in a lot of ways. He doesn't need to make a ton of money so long as he's EXCITED about what he's doing or planning on doing in future.)
-He HAS HAS HAS to love/desire/want to travel. If he's dead set against flying or if he wants to live & die in the same place he's grown up and always been, no dice. Sorry champ. I'm disgusted with complacency. & I've been bitten by the travel bug. There is no cure except to travel MORE.
-He CANNOT be obsessed with money or materialistic. I love a good Ferrari or Aston Martin same as the next bloke, but if it takes the place of family or husbandry duties, that's a BIG problem. One I will never put up with. ever.
-He HAS to have an incontrovertible sense of humor. If he doesn't make me laugh, it won't make it past the first date.
-He HAS to be tolerant of the following guilty pleasures: the Muppets Harry Potter Jane Austen Mystery Science Theater/Rifftrax
He doesn't have to LOVE them all, he doesn't even have to LIKE them, just be able to stand them, and not bash on them. I don't think that's too much to ask, considering the fact that I despise football, but if the man likes football, I'm not gonna diss on it or try to talk him out of it. Door swings both ways bro.
-He HAS to like/be tolerant of animals--dogs specifically, considering the fact that my #1 dream is owning a German Shepherd and naming him Optimus Prime...
-He HAS to love music. He has to have favorite bands, musicians, songs etc. Soundtracks, melodies, lyrics are things that I always refer to and quote on a daily basis. Ya gots to keep up.
-He HAS to be an appreciator of movies. My love of movies borders on obsessive, so he has to be able to talk to me about them more than just "It was good." or "I dunno, I'd prolly own it" -_-
-He HAS to motivate me to exercise and eat healthy. I can't be the only one concerned with keeping us both healthy and lookin good.
-He HAS to be a man's man in many manly ways. I'm not sayin he needs to build me a cabin and kill & skin my food for me, but he has to have skills in one of the following areas such as:
mechanics
technology
cars
plumbing
building
repair
etc
-He HAS to respect/honor the U.S. military. Considering the fact that nearly 4 generations of the men in my family have served in the armed forces, including my pops, I'd say that's a big 10-4 good buddy.
And that's pretty much it. If I think of anything else, I'll certainly add it to the list.
Now that doesn't seem too unreasonable, does it?
ahhh Jim... the standards of love and romance will be forever altered because of you.
I understand that in this ever-changing, fast-paced technology-science-based world, many things have become obsolete and archaic. The written word in black & white on paper, is being replaced by e-books; phone calls and house calls are being replaced by text messaging; CDs and cassette tapes are being replaced by MP3s and iPods; maps are being replaced by GPS's and smart phones; dictionaries & common sense are being replaced by spellcheck etc. etc etc.
And, usually, these changes are necessary. There's no doubt that correspondence with other humans has become faster, more efficient, and less expensive. However, I believe there is a caveat to this "modern" electronic-forward world we're living in.
It's come to my attention that schools are considering eliminating handwriting/cursive classes from the elementary/middle school/high school curriculum. (If you're dubious, simply google 'teaching handwriting' and you'll come up with a bunch of articles discussing this matter.)
This not only infuriates me, considering the fact that American primary schools suck in every subject and that not 40 years ago children in the fourth grade were reading Silars Marner by George Eliot & now they're reading Diary of A Wimpy Kid, but this also frightens me about the future of my children's quality of education in addition to the education of the future leaders of this country & the world.
Now I understand how this can be seen as trivial and frivolous rather than worrisome, but if you don't feel as I do that this is a grave and alarming mistake, I'll simply point out a few reasons against removing the handwriting segments of education from the school systems.
1.) There's a book titled Try to Feel it My Way by Suzette Elgin. This book discusses the different learners in our cultures and how certain people communicate, specifically men and women who are touch dominant learners/communicators. Now of course there are visual learners, audio learners and kinesthetic learners.About 10% of the human population are of the latter, which may seem like a minimal amount, but I believe that it's much more than you would think. Myself, I believe I'm a combination learner, both visual and kinesthetic. It honestly depends on the situation. But I do remember the subjects and concepts that stuck with me the most were the things depicted in a movie, a picture, a photograph, etc. in addition to writing it out.
Let me give an example, when I am preparing to give a talk, a discussion, a lecture, or even trying to come up with an appropriate way to break up with a guy, I have to write it out! Whatever it is! Not only do I have to write it down, I have to SEE it written down. Both my hands and my eyes are soaking that information up, making it twice as easy to recall it to remembrance when the time comes.
Now, what does this have to do with handwriting/cursive classes? Think about it. Yes, there is something to be said for typing on a computer or texting on an iPhone, but writing includes the kinesthetic touch dominant learners. As well as the visual learners. Kinesthetic learners are able to actually physically write out everything, while visual learners see it written. Sorry, how is handwriting antiquated? If that's not a strong enough argument, feel free to see the next one.
2.) If students don't know how to write in cursive, they'll certainly not know how to read it as well. For example: If a student is reading the Constitution or the Declaration of Independence, or even their mother's diary after she's passed away, how on earth are they going to be able to read and understand what it is they're writing? Now, I know this is kind of hitting this topic below the belt, but I'm serious! I understand some documents, like the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence, is already typed out but there are ALWAYS going to be records, scripts, speeches, diaries and more that are going to be handwritten as well as written in cursive.
3.) There are still things in this day and age that require good handwriting, and even cursive. People still write checks, people still write Thank You cards, people still write in Birthday cards, Baby shower cards, Wedding cards etc, people still write in Wedding guest books, people still sign their name, people still write notes, people still write their names on name tags, people still write in multiple games, doctors still write diagnoses, etc etc etc etc. I could go on!
So if that's the case, it would be disastrous for children to no longer learn the art of handwriting and cursive. If only to just encapsulate their learning and retain their creativity. Sir Francis Bacon once said:
If we want our children and the people of this country to be full, ready and exact, we need to keep the subjects of writing and cursive in our schools.
Recently, I've been under very high stress conditions: my visa requirements to Brazil (where they want me to get every single paper I've ever had since day 1 of my life notarized and authenticated by the state of Georgia), my frantic juggling of my new 2 part time job schedules, family responsibilities and preparing to enter the temple to get endowed, to name a few.
So when things like this are happening behind the curtain of a carefully placed smile and tranquil exterior, needless to say, I need a moment to myself. I need a release, a single piece of the universe that I can bury myself into for a few minutes.
Now, I've always been a bit particular when it comes to certain things. With movies, photography, art, literature and especially music. Now, I say I'm particular, but some might stretch this concept and possibly call me... a music snob.
And this is definitely true. Whenever a family member puts on Miley Cyrus or a crappy country song *cough cough* Save a Horse Ride a Cowboy *cough cough* I do tend to cringe and curl into the fetal position with my ears bleeding.
But it's interesting to me just how much I actually do need music. Now, apart from the fact that I did play the violin through middle school, high school and college, in addition to a few songs I've written and singing in the shower or the car by myself, I would not call myself a music aficionado. Nor would I say I'm musically talented, though I do try.
However music has really been one of the core things in my life that I've desperately required. Looking back, there's never been a single day or night that I've gone without listening to a written ballad. It's been something that soothes my soul, relieves my anger, relaxes and calms my mind, inspires my writing, and reminds me of the experiences I've had that I don't want to forget.
And with the week I've had, music has been the one thing that's saved me from sticking my head in the oven & turning on the broil setting. Between trying to hire a notary, calling Salt Lake asking them what the hell a police clearance letter is, putting on my best face in interviewing for jobs I desperately need, stressing about making ends meet till my last paycheck comes in, doing the grim chore of going clothes shopping for ghastly missionary attire, it's any wonder why I haven't been found cross-eyed and muttering to myself strapped in a strait jacket.
Music is literally food for my soul. So why would I ingest anything that wasn't amazing? If eating junk food isn't healthy for your body, couldn't it be the same reasoning and logic for awful music for your soul?
In attending the Andy Grammer concert last week with my sister, I was able to see some incredible artists bare their souls on stage. And for those few hours I was truly happy and satisfied, forgetting everything that was making me pull my hair out.
So for your listening and viewing pleasure, here a few lyrics to a few songs that have spoken to my soul.
Falling for the Beat Stole my heart You took & threw it in your getaway car You caught me You caught me so off guard And I kinda like... I kinda like it I've got it bad How did I ever get to where I'm at Somehow I woke up in the palm of your hand And I kinda like it... I kinda like it How could I want you Want you so bad When I just met you How could I let you Take what's left of the love I had Feels so wrong It feels so right Now I'm falling for the beat I wouldn't change a thing I'm falling for the beat Falling for the beat
When your souls weary When you find doubt When you can't hear me Lay your troubles down In your dark moments When your hearts weak Bring yourself broken You will find me Who wrote the rain Who wrote the sun in Who called your name Where are you running I'm gonna be there near or far I'm gonna meet you where you are Who wrote the rain Who wrote the sun in
This past weekend, as most everyone knows, was General Conference. Although I didn't have a chance to see every talk and every session, there was one particular talk, other than Jeffrey R. Holland's, that really struck me to the bone.
Sister Elaine S. Dalton gave an amazing talk where she gave an account of being in Scotland after her father died, feeling disheartened and depressed, and then seeing a stone with this phrase engraven upon it:
What E'er Thou Art, Act Well Thy Part.
I've always been somewhat of a collector of quotes, and this one will probably be added to my small collection. Her story really touched me with the context of this quote, and with the changes that will happen to me in Brazil over the next 18 months. I know I'll have times of depression, frustration and discouragement, but in looking back on this story and this quote, I can only hope I'll receive the hope and strength that Sister Dalton, and President McKay received.
I can only pray that the small part I'll play on my mission, in my life and in the hands of the Lord.
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