The Signature Christmas Movie

There is a movie for every season of my life, which may or may not be disconcerting.

But for the Christmas season there is only one movie that changes me every year. The acting, the music, the message, the entirety of it is simply beautiful.

The 1970 version of Scrooge with Albert Finney and Alec Guinness is my favorite Christmas movie of all time. It's almost a sacred experience for me and my family, which may sound silly, but honestly it's everything you could ever possibly want in a Christmas movie. A story about hope, love, compassion for all mankind, redemption and forgiveness.

My favorite part of the movie is probably the scenes with the Ghost of Christmas Present. After he takes Scrooge back home he very poignantly says "There is never enough time to do or say all the things that we would wish. The thing is to try to do as much as you can in the time that you have. Remember Scrooge, Time is short & suddenly, you're not there anymore."

My second favorite part is almost to the end where he sings about how he's going to take the time he has left to live and change things in his life.

I'll begin again
I will build my life
I will live to know that I've fulfilled my life
I'll begin today
Throw away the past
And the future I build will be something that will last....

I will start anew
I will make amends
And I will make quite certain that the story ends
On a note of hope
On a strong Amen
And I'll thank the world
And remember when
I was able to begin again! 

May we all remember it's never too late to change the path that we're on. There is still time to live a life fulfilled and to have as little regret as possible when we leave this life to meet our Maker.

xoxo
Mega-Mega

I swore I'd never be one of those people....

Well it turns out I have.

Sad, really.

It all started last night after talking with my good friend, Stacey, at In-N-Out about how when we get a place together (whenever that may be) we desperately want a dog.

I voted either husky or german shepherd. Needless to say, if we find a german shepherd, that may be for the win.

Ever since our family had an incredible german shepherd, Maggie, I have always wanted one. I was far too young to remember her, but listening to my brother & sister & mom tell stories about her makes me feel like I knew her too.

She was obedient, loving and incredibly protective.

So this lead me to a google search for german shepherd puppies, and then it spiraled out of control for Youtube videos of german shepherd puppies playing.

I know I know! This is a travesty!

I used to always make fun of those people. & I've become one!

Oh well. I suppose there are worse things to be ashamed of. I mean, I still to this day can't sleep without the covers around my neck for fear of vampires. So that has to count for something right? :)

Well here it is. The apex of my embarrassment.

And this:

Gosh I need help.

xoxo

Mega-Mega

Sooner or Later

For the most part I'm happy with my life. I have two great jobs, one at UVU and one at Barnes & Noble. I love both of them equally. I have bosses that are fabulous, roommates that are considerate, a bishopric I really like, two working hands that type out a story every night on Microsoft Word, a set of eyes and ears that allow me to watch a variety of movies that are a necessity for my life, a brain that functions most of the time, and food on the table.

But every now and then, I go through bouts where I can't stand Utah.

Particularly, certain aspects of Utah, and my life which resides within the state limits.

On nights like this, I wanna get the hell out of here. And I'm not exaggerating.

1. I hate the fact that I'm stuck in a college town, with stupid & asinine rules about parking, curfew etc. I'm an adult. Have been for about 4 years. Don't tell me what to do.
2. I hate that I feel stuck in this God forsaken town for far too long. I can't stand the fact that I haven't been to Europe in over 2 years, and that I haven't traveled anywhere new AT ALL. I want a fresh change of scenery. Some people are content in planting roots in one place and residing there till they die. I am NOT one of those people. I need change. I don't like routine. Ergo, I wanna get OUT of here.
3. & this is probably the number on the list in which I feel most emphatically about. I am sick of the dumb-asses that classify themselves as "guys" here. And yes, I realize this is a rather strong sentiment, but I've experienced nearly 5 years of dating these retards. I think I'm entitled to call them dumb-asses. Because they are. They're commitment-phobic, unambitious, femme, indecisive, lazy, obnoxious, don't-know-what-they-want losers. I'm sick of getting texts at 10:00 at night for booty calls. I'm 23 f***ing years old. Does it sound like I want to be treated like a 900 number? I'm too old for that shit. So DON'T do it. It may have been acceptable when I was 19 but I'm not. I'm sick of getting messages that have the feeling like I'm going to be asked out and then never do. I'm sick of being treated like a "go-to" girl for a "good time" because all of the other chicks are currently unavailable or turned you down. I am not a back up plan. I am not Plan B. I'm Plan A or nothing at all. STOP being dumb-asses. I guarantee you if you don't pull your HEAD out of your ASS you will be single until the Armageddon is upon us. Which may be sooner than you think.

I guess real men lie in fiction. James Bond. Han Solo. Konstantin Dmitrievich Levin. Captain America. Flynn Ryder. Mr. Darcy. George Bailey. Because they sure as hell don't lie in Utah or Idaho or Georgia or the other places I've lived.

And you know what, if you have a problem with this, maybe that's a sign that you need to do a little bit of self-reflection. Don't try to find a scapegoat to blame or tell me I'm being unfair. If I were being unfair I would stoop to say that Edward Cullen is more of a man than you. That would really  be taking it rather far I'd think.

Sooner or later I'm sure I'll find a guy who isn't a complete waste of space. Who isn't vapor. But right now it's not looking so promising.

Story of My Life

Probably the worst moment for any individual is a break up. 

But I would venture to say that reliving a broken heart, and falling back in love with a person you know will never love you back is even more awful. 

I've been pretty proud of myself that the past few blog posts hasn't been about a breakup or how awful a guy has treated me, so to spare all of the gory, unnecessary details, I'll just say this:

I can't get over a guy who's in my same ward and who I work with at least once a week in sharing the same calling. I thought I was over him well over a year ago but the truth is I was only deluding myself. 

I'm crazy about him. & he'll never be crazy about me. 

& you know what, that's okay. It happens. It's only supposed to work out once right? That's why we date. But the truth is, I can't do this anymore. 

The hard part is, he's one of my closest friends, even one of my best guy friends. I have relied on him for multiple blessings & he's even been wonderful enough to assist me financially & to bail me out of the worst monetary crises I've had this year. 

Recently, though I've realized I'm in love with him. But he has no idea. He's completely oblivious, which is typical for the male species. & I don't expect him to read between the lines, to see the light that I'm sure comes into my eyes when he sits next to me, and hear the increased breathing & heart rate when his knee brushes mine. But it does; it always has. 

A year has obviously done nothing for my heart. It still wants him. And I don't know what to do about it. Either way, there's a distinct possibility that I'll lose him forever, but if I keep on pretending, I'm sure it'll only get worse with time. I mean, a year hasn't done anything at all right? Another 5 months could mean the coffin in the grave. 

I don't want to say anything to him for fear of losing him. What's worse? Trying to choke down my feelings and control my emotions? Or telling him that I can't be friends with him at least for a little while.... and maybe even longer. I doubt I'm ever gonna get over him until I actually do find that one I'm supposed to be with. 

Christina Perri summed it up perfectly in her song Distance. Here's the lyrics to it:

The sun is filling up the room
And I can hear you dreaming
Do you feel the way I do right now?
I wish we would just give up
Cause the best part is falling
Call it anything but love

And I will make sure to keep my distance
Say "I love you" and you're not listening
How long can we keep this up, up, up?

And please don't stand so close to me
I'm having trouble breathing
I'm afraid of what you'll see right now
I give you everything I am
All my broken heart beats
Until I know you understand

And I will make sure to keep my distance
Say "I love you" and you're not listening
How long can we keep this up, up, up?

And I keep waiting
For you to take me
You keep waiting
To say what we have

So I make sure to keep my distance
Say "I love you" and you're not listening
How long can we keep this up, up, up?

Make sure to keep my distance
Say "I love you" and you're not listening
How long til we call this love, love, love?

The Ideal Man

It may just be that my ideal man is an actor/director that I will never meet. Though I do occasionally see him as Dr. Spencer Reid on the CBS show Criminal Minds. 

One of my favorite quotes from him is located below in addition to a few of my favorite pictures of him. 

“Must love decorating for holidays, mischief, kissing in cars, and wind chimes. No specific height, weight, hair color, or political affiliation required, but would prefer a warm spirited, non-racist. Cynics, critics, pessimists, and ‘stick in the muds’ need not apply. Voluptuous figures a plus. Any similarity in look, mind set, or fashion sense to Mary Poppins, Claire Huxtable, Snow White, or Elvira wholeheartedly welcomed. I am dubious of actresses, felons, and lesbians, but don’t want to rule them out entirely. Must be tolerant of whistling, tickle torture, James Taylor, and sleeping late. I have a slight limp, eerily soft hands, and a preternatural love of Autumn. I once misinterpreted being called a ‘coal-eyed dandy’ as a compliment when it was intended as an insult. I wiggle my feet in my sleep, am scared of the dark, and think the Muppets Christmas Carol is one of the greatest films of all time. All I want is butterfly kisses in the morning, peanut butter sandwiches shaped like a heart, and to make you smile until it hurts.”

<3 I love you Matthew Gray Gubler. 

Define "Conniption"

So, unfortunately, one of my very good friends has already heard this but I'm gonna have to submit this rant into the expansive void that is the internet.

And whether or not I receive a reply or response is irrelevant. I just really wanna get this off my chest because I'm losing far too much sleep.

First off, the most pressing thing on my mind and soul is the fact that I am a college graduate with one constant part-time job. I spent four years and $25,000 earning a Bachelor's degree and making less now than I did as a student.

According to certain statistics I've found, a woman with a Bachelor's degree should be making about $47,030 a year. Now, for an English degree, I should be making between $35,800-$68,900 a year. These jobs can range from journalism, to technical writers. Now, do you wanna know what I make a year on one part-time job as a content developer?

Guess. Just guess.

I make $14,400 a year after taxes. 14,400. That's not even half what I should be making and I've been out of school for well over a year.

Needless to say, I am incredibly pissed off! Seriously?! This sum may be enough to live on, but I'm a DAMN COLLEGE GRADUATE. I should be able to afford to fix my car, pay off my student loan, get completely out of debt, put aside money for savings, and be able to have enough money to shop at Barnes & Noble on occasion or Charlotte Russe.

But no. NO. I'm stuck working ONE part-time job, that granted is good and I can't complain about it except for the fact that I'M NOT MAKING WHAT I'M WORTH.

And do you want to know why? There are several different theories...
1.) There's a little something called Degree Inflation. Yes it exists. Basically, what happened is that a Bachelor's degree today is the equivalent of a High school diploma 10 years ago. The Wall Street Journal even did an article on it! Found here: http://online.wsj.com/article/SB121623686919059307.html
People who earned not only one but two degrees end up getting laid off and eventually work for WalMart....Oh yay... and this is what I was so looking forward to in entering the career force after college... YOUUUU SCUNOFABITCH! I'm sorry but this is absolutely unacceptable! But it also begs the question, what the hell am I supposed to do now? I have been discouraged from getting a Master's degree because it won't guarantee anything and I'll go further into debt, but neither is a freaking Bachelor's degree!
2.) The job market SUCKS. I mean majorly sucks. The unemployment rate is now at 7.8%! More specifically, the jobs that I have applied for, (call center jobs, retail etc.) things that I'm completely over-qualified for I'm not getting! Wth?!
3.) Stuff that I am doing, like internships, etc. I should be getting paid for! I'm sorry but my talents are not free. I am not willing to sacrifice my well-being to people who obviously don't appreciate the time & effort that goes into fulfilling and accomplishing projects.

I am so sick of this. On top of all of this stress in worry, which as you can see has taken up more than an entire page, there's the election going on, my friend's asking me to help them with their projects, my own personal novel I'm trying to write, and the fact that I for once would like to be able to have more than just 3 bowls and 8 pieces of silverware in my cupboards.

I'm seriously about ready to pull my own hair out.

50 Shades of Garbage

So, after doing more research on the book Fifty Shades of Grey by E. L. James, I'm even more appalled and disgusted that this is a New Yorks Times Bestseller. & even more so that women are reading this and are thrilled about this piece of crap.

Everywhere on pinterest, facebook, blogs etc. there's talk such as, "omg! if this becomes a movie, ian somerhalder should totes be cast for christian grey! lol! <3 omg! he's totes gorg!"

..... Insert vomit here......

Seriously, this is a disgrace to real writers, to the authors who have developed excellent plots, superb character developments, fantastic twists and turns in the storyline, and who have worked their asses off to create a story that touches, inspires, uplifts and speaks to the very soul of a reader.

And yet you choose this? This pornographic, flat, debasing, awfully written Twilight fan fiction that's simply had the names of the characters changed? This? You pick this?

So no more Jane Austen, no more John Keats, no more Princess Bride, no more Bronte Sisters, no more Shakespeare? No more real and beautiful love stories? No more stories where the heroine is strong in her endeavors and gentleman are always gentleman? No more epic romances where the good guy gets the girl, and the bad guy goes to jail or is reviled? None of that?

Ellen Degeneres brings a more lighthearted approach to this awful piece of "so-called literature", but before I let Ellen be awesome & say what the rest of the sane world is thinking, let me just leave here with this statement:

Pornography goes both ways. & if you don't think women should be subjected to the degradation and defilement that pornographic images or media bring; making women out to be a piece of meat, and only created for man's pleasurable interests, then sweetheart, the door swings BOTH ways. If guys are encouraged not to take part in pornography, even though their pornography is different, this filth that is on every single Barnes & Noble bookshelf in the nation is just another example of PORN.

Take it away Ellen,

xoxo
Mega-Sick-of-Seeing-This-Piece-of-Crap-Book