Keeping your eyes on the prize...

So I'm sure it would be redundant of me to state that this week has put the suck in sucky, however as strange as it sounds, I'm grateful for every day of it.

I never thought that I'd live to hear me say that I am actually grateful for trials and adversity, but I think the reason why I do is because of two reasons.

1.) It makes me feel so human. The human, mortal existence is really incredible. I just finished reading The Giver by Lois Lowry for the third time for my YA lit class, & suddenly had this overwhelming feeling of gratitude. Even for pain, misery & despair that creeps into our lives at times. Or in my case, smacks me upside the head with a two by four. I just keep thinking of that Garth Brooks song, The Dance.


Looking back on the memory of
The dance we shared beneath the stars above
For a moment all the world was right
How could I have known you'd ever say goodbye
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I'd of had to miss the dance
Holding you I held everything
For a moment wasn't I the king
But if I'd only known how the king would fall
Hey who's to say you know I might have changed it all
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I'd of had to miss the dance
Yes my life is better left to chance
I could have missed the pain but I'd of had to miss the dance

This song is more fitting than any song I know. I'm glad I didn't know what would happen. I could have missed all this pain, all this heartache, all this anguish. But I wouldn't trade a single moment, a single happy memory that I've had the past 3 months for this despair & adversity that I'm going through right now. Including that beautiful dance. I can honestly say I haven't been that happy ever before in my life. And I thank my lucky stars every night that I was able to have all of those spectacular moments where I felt complete. Where I felt right. Where I felt at peace with everything.

And 2.) I've learned to rely on more people than just myself. I suffer from the delusion that I have to face all of my trials and problems on my own & I've found through out this experience that there are so many people that are more than willing to lend a hand, an arm, a leg or any other extremity in order to help me in any small way. My testimony of Priesthood blessings has been strengthened substantially. Even though I didn't exactly feel better about life afterwards, I do feel the love of not only all my friends, family & loved ones, but my Father in Heaven & my Savior.

I do know that everything will work out. As far as when that'll happen and if it'll be what I want, I don't know. But what I do know is that I'm not willing to lose what I have now because of something that I want desperately that may or may not be the right thing. I'll take whatever I can get at this point. And I wouldn't trade it for anything in this world or in the world to come.

xoxo
Mega-Mega

P.S.
Thank you for still being in my life.