As Fast As I Can

So recently me, my roommate Lizzie & our friend Stacey have been watching How I Met Your Mother religiously. We have even gone as far as to adopte certain catch phrases from the character Barney Stinson. And though the show can be quite crude, mostly due to Barney Stinson's character, I learn a lot from Ted Mosby's character, who just happens to be the narrator of the show.

The episode I happened upon last night was one of the last in season 4 after he runs into his ex-fiance who left him at the altar. They have an interesting conversation in a car where Ted admits to Stella, the ex, that he wants to find that girl he can have a serious relationship with and marry and have kids with.

Stella tells a joke about a cop who pulls over a young woman going 90 miles an hour in a 45 speed zone. When he approaches her window he says, "Young lady, I've been waiting for you all day." To which she responds, "I'm sorry officer, I got here as fast as I could."

Now this joke at first glance may warrant a chuckle. But as Stella explains herself more, she tells Ted that his dream girl is getting here as fast she can. And even though Ted may have to wait a little while longer, it's gonna happen sooner or later.

For whatever reason that episode hit me pretty hard. Now, I'm not one to take inspiration or motivation from a show that has Jason Segel and Neil Patrick Harris in it, but needless to say Stella had a pretty good point, and I can definitely relate to Ted's endless romantic search to find the woman he was meant to be with.

With everything that's been going on recently, my stagnant job search, my vexed apartment living standards (the fact that we pay 260$ a month and we still don't have a washer or dryer), feeling like I'm constantly overheating, never feeling like I'm catching my breath with my finances, not being able to afford the things that I need and want so badly, and last but certainly not least, my dating disappointments and failures, it's easy to see why that would make me feel at least slightly better about my current situation.

I'm 23, I have a college degree, a mediocre house, never a real minute to myself, no potential suitors, a piece of garbage phone and car, and a desire to feel alive again, like I did when I was meandering through ancient Roman streets, Austrian mountains, and Spanish beaches.

I do want to go teach English abroad, but that's only a temporary position. I can't do that forever. Eventually I'm gonna have to come back home, and what's gonna be waiting for me there? If I found a letter to myself that I wrote when I was in Young Women's addressed to my future self, I'm only gonna have one thing I wanted accomplished.

I don't really even know what I'm saying or even what I want. I know I don't want any advice. This is something I have to figure out on my own. I guess I just wanted to write this all down, get it out on black & white so that it's not eating at me anymore. The older I get the less emotional I get, and I guess I don't wanna vent to people I know who are in my exact same boat. I just want something more. I just don't know what it is yet.


xoxo

Megatron