This past week & weekend has been one of the hardest I've had in a while. And it mostly all relates back to a simple concept that I never thought I'd ever have an issue with. Forgiveness.
I've always thought nothing could possibly prevent me from instantly forgiving anyone for hurting me in any way, shape or form.
But I've come to a conclusion, the people who I did forgive I barely knew. Or they didn't mean as much to me, or it just wasn't that big of a deal. I've discovered I've had a harder time forgiving someone who I care deeply about. A person who I felt ripped my heart to pieces. It's easier to forgive a complete stranger. It's harder to forgive someone you love who hurt you in the worst way possible.
I do believe I'm on the mend. Maybe the reason why I'm having such a hard time with this is because this is the first situation where I've dealt with this. I've never quite had the same experience like the one I've had recently.
But I am making progress. At least, I hope I am. I don't like this feeling of disappointment, shame and resentment. I feel guilty about it every time.
I know that I just need time. Let's face it, I ended up hurting myself because I didn't have time to heal and take care of me when all was said and done. It was foolish of me to think that this wouldn't happen. And I hope that this experience will strengthen my love for Heavenly Father's children and my Savior. So for the record, I'm trying really hard to be a better person and forgive more easily from here on out.