Sunday, July 3, 2011

I'm not sure I can do this anymore

Between putting my heart in the ringer once more, to making mistakes in my classes to forgetting homework, to stressing out over post-graduation I'm just not sure if I have the stamina to put up with it all anymore.

I'm sure I'll look back on this time in my life and think what a great learning experience this was. I'll see that hindsight is 20-20 and I'll laugh at myself at how much I stressed and cried over everything that's gone on.

But right now, the only feeling that's been ever present, has been helplessness. I've never felt so small or insignificant before. Never been so weak or hopeless.

I'm just so tired. And I wish that things in my life were different. Or at least, simpler.

There are so many conflicting emotions going on within me right now, and I haven't the time nor the energy to sort them all out.

I know I'm speaking in vague generalities right now, but I'm afraid to be any more specific. All I will say is that, first dating sucks. Second, I have mixed feelings about the future of my life, and third, I'm sick of putting myself out there to get the same result every time. I'm not complaining. I'm just stating the facts. I've devised a playlist for this certain point in my life right now. Here are a few of the songs:

1.) You Can't Hurry Love by Phil Collins
2.) Just Haven't Met You Yet by Michael Buble
3.) I Can't Make You Love Me by Bonnie Raitt
4.) Just a Kiss by Lady Antebellum
5.) Last Kiss by Taylor Swift

Let me just end with this one wish. I hope there are high maintenance/bratty/ugly girls in Provo....


1 comment:

  1. You CAN do it. You WILL do it. And yes, you will look back on this and wonder what the hell you were stressing about. Whoever he is, he ain't worth it, baby. When the right one comes along, he'll make the idiots you've dated look like the assholes they really are and he'll make you grateful you didn't end up with any of the "nice" guys.

    Trust me on this one.