I've come to a realization today. It's not a surprising one, but it did take me off guard a little bit.
Graduation is a great accomplishment, and I'm very glad to be done with this long & difficult chapter in my life.
I'm happy to be moving down to Provo and starting a new life. But the thing is, now that I'm graduated, and now that I'm deciding on a career (haven't the foggiest on what that might be), I've realized that I don't wanna work.
I know what I wanna do. It's something that I've wanted for a while.
I just wanna be a wife. My job, my ideal occupation, is to make a home, cook a fantastic dinner, dote on my husband when he gets home from work and give my entire life and my entire heart to him. Devote every second of every day to making him happy.
Then, I want to add on, giving my life and my heart to my children. Teach them how to read. Play with them. Spark their imagination. Watch Muppet & Disney movies with them. Be there for them when they get scrapes or bruises, and teach them how to throw a punch at a kid who's picking on them.
That's what I want. It's not fancy. It's not a high-paying, lofty goal. It's not a position of grandeur. But it's what I want. It's what I've wanted for a while.
And for whatever reason, I can't seem to get it, no matter how often I apply for it.