Sunday, September 23, 2012

"Something New in My Life"

I'm probably jumping the gun a bit on music/movies that are usually saved for Christmas, but this song I absolutely adore <3. I seriously can't stop listening to it & I think, aside from the fact that it's the incredible Julie Andrews & superb Placido Domingo singing it, the lyrics are so perfect for me right now.

I've finally made it. I'm finally here, at a place where I'm the most happy I've ever been and it feels so good to have finally arrived.

I should provide some backstory to this post. Several extremely hard trials & hardships have come up over the past 2 months or so. To spare you all of the disgusting, intimate details, I'll just leave it at this:

1.) In addition to moving from one apartment to another, I've had a copious amount of financial complications. My car was towed in my own parking lot for being in the visitor's parking space while my space was taken. When I went to contest it the d-bag told me that "it wasn't fair to the other visitors when you have a parking spot." Oh yeah, because first off people ONLY go to visit people at apartments for 30 mins or less AND there's going to be a lot of them coming at 12:00 on a school night. Yes, that makes perfect sense. Schmuck. On top of the fact that my deposit was twice as much as I thought it was going to be, and trying to get my stupid car fixed in order to get it registered in the miserable state of Utah, and other bills & financial obligations I had to take care of. I was very close to being homeless for 2 weeks there for a while. But with the help of a very dear, kind, compassionate friend I was able to take care of everything that needed to be taken care of.

2.) Another thing that was & is still going on under the surface was a very unhealthy relationship that was probably the most poisonous I've ever been in. I don't have any hard feelings towards the man, but needless to say I felt very violated after it ended. I feel horrible that I've become much more aloof and cold to many of the guys in my ward & other men who I know would never do anything to hurt me, but I guess that just goes to show that you don't get over something of that magnitude in a day.

However, in spite of all of this, I really feel that I am in a great place in my life right now. I have 2 wonderful roommates, the only real & genuine girls in my entire ward, I have very close, dear friends that are still in contact with me, both in Utah & Idaho & in other areas of the country, I have an amazing family that still loves me despite my many flaws, I have 2 internships that I'm loving every second of, a job at UVU I like, a photography job that pays well, Barnes & Noble I start in October, and another interview for an additional job that could mean more steady income. I also am making astonishing and astounding progress on my book that I really think after it's published will be a tremendous success.

Apart from money, there's really nothing in my life I can complain about right now. I'm confident in being alone & self-sufficient & independent, not requiring a man to make me happy; although there is someone who has made his way back into my life right now.

I feel like I'm finally at my best. As of this time, at this point I've come to, I feel as if I'm the best I can be right now.

I've been trying very hard to not swear, to serve others both people I know & strangers, to be more optimistic & have more faith, to take control of my check book, & to expand & enlarge my mind with constant reading & writing.

Every time I listen to this song, all I can think about is how happy I've become. Happiness really is a choice, a lifestyle, and not a circumstantial thing.

You're like a chance I had to take in my life
I found you and couldn't lose you
And all the difference that you make in my life
The feelings I never knew

I guess I must've saved an empty place in my heart
For you to come and fill this space in my heart
And long before I said, I loved you
I loved you

Whatever happens this is true in my life
When all the springs have come and gone
Whatever doors I may go through in my life
Whatever else that I may do in my life

You'll always be something new in my life
From now on
I know there always will be you in my life
From now on

I know there always will be you in  my life
From now on


1 comment:

  1. Utah Valley isn't AS bad a place as people from outside it think.
    Sure you just have to bite your tongue til it bleeds and ignore everything hypocritical about the people here, but in the end it grows on you like. Like a bad case of head lice, but it does.

    Welcome to UVU, the largest and loneliest university in the state of Utah. Throngs of people and yet everyone seems to remain anonymous.

    Sorry for the long, random comment. It's just my style.

    - Sparks