Recently I've looked over all of my blog posts from the past few years, partially because I'm bored, and partially to see how pathetic and mooney-eyed I'd get over idiotic guys. And boy, I sure didn't let myself down on that one.
I have changed quite a bit over the past few years, in some ways for the better, in some ways for the worst.
I have gotten better in standing up for myself, in sticking more to my guns when I feel I'm vindicated and justified. However, this has lead to a multitude of misunderstandings and misinterpretations. It's even escalated to an emotional public flogging at ward prayer.
At first I felt as if someone had just struck a blow to my face; it shocked me and took me completely by surprise especially since it had nothing to do with the responsible party--it didn't involve them in the slightest. I had never experienced someone to go out of their way to be cruel. It came off as being calculated and well-planned which also added to my horror.
As I thought on it more, and prayed for my heart to heal and not harden against these people, I realized that there are shades of both light and dark within every person. And that maybe the things that I took pride in, the things I thought I was resilient to, were the things that even I could be at fault for, like the people I had blamed for the very same blunders I had just committed.
It was a healthy dose of introspection that I think I needed.
I've also noticed that I incorporate song lyrics or music videos in about 80% of my blog posts, which I also find interesting. And this post will be no different :)
I've rediscovered my love of the musical, Jekyll & Hyde featuring the talents of Anthony Warlow and Linda Eder. Everyone knows the story, it's been parodied and redone in dozens of versions over and over again. But the music is absolutely incredible, and the addition of certain characters really enhance the story in a way that I don't think Robert Louis Stevenson could've done himself.
In the story, Jekyll meets and forms a friendship with a prostitute named Lucy, played by Linda Eder, and as the two get to know each other, they begin to realize the similarities between themselves. Lucy is trapped in a life she can't seem to get out of, a life she wishes she could trade in for another.
This leads me to a song that I've grown to love the older I get.
A new life,
what I wouldn't give to have a new life,
One thing I have learned as I go through life.
Nothing is for free along the way
A new start,
that's the thing I need to give me new heart
Half a chance in life to find a new part
Just a simple role that I can play
A new hope,
something to convince me to renew hope.
A new day,
bright enough to help me find my way
A new chance
one that maybe has a touch
Where can it be?
The chance for me?
A new world,
this one thing I want
To ask of you world
Once before it's time to say "adieu", world
One sweet chance to prove the cynics wrong
I love the combination of the melody and lyrics intermingled as Lucy/Linda sings her heart out. She's so desperate for a fresh start, for a clean slate, to wipe the blood in her ledger clean. I've always been drawn to this song, and recently it's rang truer than it ever has.
Another song, and another character I've been captivated by is Jekyll/Hyde. He is also a prisoner of his own shortcomings, of his own evil tendencies. Just like Lucy, he wants to recompense for the crimes he's committed, though he's not sure how to do it.
In this song No One Must Ever Know, Jekyll/Anthony grapples with himself to try to carry on and finish his work, and to get back to the place he was before he got disillusioned.
Could it be?
Have I really lost my way?
Have I lost my mind?
Will I lose the day?
Am I a good man?
Am I a mad man?
It's such a fine line
Between a good man and a bad...
Somehow I have to get back
to the places where my journey started.
Find the course I charted
when I first departed.
Somehow I have to hang on
to the vision that first inspired me,
to the hope that fired me
when the world admired me!
I'll find a way back to the higher ground!
And see the view I saw before....
Somehow I have to rebuild
all the dreams that the wind have scattered.
From what fate has shattered-
I'll retrieve what mattered!
God! You must help me carry on!
When it seems all hope has gone,
I have got to carry on!
Anthony Warlow has such a powerful voice that shakes me to the very core. He sings it with such desperation, such passionate pleading it really makes you believe he can do it-- he can conquer the evil he's unlocked within himself.
Anyway, now that I've geeked out here, I'll just close by saying there is a fine line between a good man and a bad man, but that it's also not too late to create a new life for yourself. Each day is a brand new life, and the past can only hold you back as much as you let it.
The past cannot be changed, forgotten, edited or erased, it can only be accepted.