So it's been a while. Life has thrown me a few curve balls & a few homeruns.
This probably needs some explanation though. My last semester at BYU-Idaho was a hard one, probably the hardest one for me academically & emotionally. I was taking 18 credits (half of those credits were upper division English classes) & working 2 part time jobs. I was struggling to make ends meet, struggling to find more meaning to my life, struggling to figure out what I was gonna do to spend my time in this mortal coil, and struggling with being single all in about a 4 month time span.
I was let down & disappointed several times, by guys, by school, by drama, by life. My prayers were mostly directed towards what I was supposed to do after I graduated. I tossed around going to Grad school, but that meant more debt, less money & no breaks.
I certainly knew what I didn't want. I didn't want to move back to Georgia. This feeling was meant to mean no lack of gallantry towards my family. I love, and have always loved, my family. I miss them even now. But I knew what was there for me in Georgia, waiting in the wings. I knew I had a few very close, dear friends of mine who love me & who would've loved to see me back. I would've been close to my nieces & nephews that I love more than life itself, and I would've been around my mom & 2 brothers, and somewhat close to my sister.
But the kicker was, there was nothing really substantial as far as a career or as far as the ''dating regime" went in Georgia. There is a serious lack of the male Mormon species. Not only that, but good Mormon guys. It's a drought I knew I was going back to. The dustbowl of dating.
Georgia, on top of this, also holds a plethora of painful, bitter memories. It was the place where my dad passed away, it was the general vicinity where my grandmother passed away, it was the place where I passed my middle & high school years which were the bane of my existence. I was self-conscious, depressed & on a spiritual plateau in Georgia.
Juxtaposing Georgia with the West, namely Idaho & Utah, I was happier out here. I was in my element out here. Yes there will always be things that bug me about here, but in comparison with Georgia, this was a place where I thrived. It's a greenhouse. There are so many people I've met that have changed my life that I can't bear losing, there are job opportunities that fit with what I'd like to do for a short time, there's a support system for me spiritually that I don't think I can replicate anywhere else.
My family has been skeptical of this decision I've made, and I can't blame them for that. Without knowing my perspective, it does appear to be a foolish financial choice on my part. But there's one thing I don't think I've mentioned much, that I kind of want to right now.
All through out my last semester, I prayed constantly, fasted so much, and received blessings multiple times all leading me to this conclusion:
I'm supposed to be out here right now.
Many spiritual confirmations have taken place, some simple & small, some substantially complex & personal. As for right now, there's at least one reason why I should be here right now, and he's definitely made a good & positive impact on my life. Whether or not this place, this relationship will last, I know at least for the time being that I'm meant to be here in Orem, Utah.
The more I'm here, the more sure I am.
I do miss my family & friends, and I wish I was closer to them. But this distance will hopefully be for a short duration while I'm fulfilling the things & following this path that I've been placed on.
So thank you, for your support & understanding. I love you all.