Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Always look on the bright side of life...

So it's been a while. Life has thrown me a few curve balls & a few homeruns.

This probably needs some explanation though. My last semester at BYU-Idaho was a hard one, probably the hardest one for me academically & emotionally. I was taking 18 credits (half of those credits were upper division English classes) & working 2 part time jobs. I was struggling to make ends meet, struggling to find more meaning to my life, struggling to figure out what I was gonna do to spend my time in this mortal coil, and struggling with being single all in about a 4 month time span.

I was let down & disappointed several times, by guys, by school, by drama, by life. My prayers were mostly directed towards what I was supposed to do after I graduated. I tossed around going to Grad school, but that meant more debt, less money & no breaks.

I certainly knew what I didn't want. I didn't want to move back to Georgia. This feeling was meant to mean no lack of gallantry towards my family. I love, and have always loved, my family. I miss them even now. But I knew what was there for me in Georgia, waiting in the wings. I knew I had a few very close, dear friends of mine who love me & who would've loved to see me back. I would've been close to my nieces & nephews that I love more than life itself, and I would've been around my mom & 2 brothers, and somewhat close to my sister.

But the kicker was, there was nothing really substantial as far as a career or as far as the ''dating regime" went in Georgia. There is a serious lack of the male Mormon species. Not only that, but good Mormon guys. It's a drought I knew I was going back to. The dustbowl of dating.

Georgia, on top of this, also holds a plethora of painful, bitter memories. It was the place where my dad passed away, it was the general vicinity where my grandmother passed away, it was the place where I passed my middle & high school years which were the bane of my existence. I was self-conscious, depressed & on a spiritual plateau in Georgia.

Juxtaposing Georgia with the West, namely Idaho & Utah, I was happier out here. I was in my element out here. Yes there will always be things that bug me about here, but in comparison with Georgia, this was a place where I thrived. It's a greenhouse. There are so many people I've met that have changed my life that I can't bear losing, there are job opportunities that fit with what I'd like to do for a short time, there's a support system for me spiritually that I don't think I can replicate anywhere else.

My family has been skeptical of this decision I've made, and I can't blame them for that. Without knowing my perspective, it does appear to be a foolish financial choice on my part. But there's one thing I don't think I've mentioned much, that I kind of want to right now.

All through out my last semester, I prayed constantly, fasted so much, and received blessings multiple times all leading me to this conclusion:

I'm supposed to be out here right now.

Many spiritual confirmations have taken place, some simple & small, some substantially complex & personal. As for right now, there's at least one reason why I should be here right now, and he's definitely made a good & positive impact on my life. Whether or not this place, this relationship will last, I know at least for the time being that I'm meant to be here in Orem, Utah.

The more I'm here, the more sure I am.

I do miss my family & friends, and I wish I was closer to them. But this distance will hopefully be for a short duration while I'm fulfilling the things & following this path that I've been placed on.

So thank you, for your support & understanding. I love you all.


1 comment:

  1. Proud of you, dearie, and praying always that you'll continue to be led in all your decisions. Learning how to recognize the Spirit now is the best possible thing you can do--keep it up!