Sunday, January 23, 2011

I hate Januarys

9 years ago today was the crappiest day of my life. At a pivotal age, 12 years old, my dad was taken from me abruptly. Ever since then, I've never been the same. Ever since then, I've never stopped thinking about how different my life would be had he stuck around.

There was a girl in my ward who gave a lesson in Relief Society, & mentioned how she lost her cousin but luckily now she's "over it" through prayer & the Atonement and how she ended up being "okay with everything". I have no doubt that the Savior can lift us up in times of trial & affliction. But you don't "get over" losing someone, I'm sorry. No matter how much you pray. Maybe that's just me. Say I don't have "enough faith" or that I don't "rely on the Savior" like I should. But when all is said & done, I'm not gonna "be okay" until I see him again.

That is just one of the reasons why I'm not a fan of Relief Society--is when people say ignorant comments like that. She probably meant well. But the fact of the matter is, I will never get over losing one of the most important people of my life. I will never be okay with him not being here anymore.

You don't get over losing a parent to death. You're never okay with never seeing them again until you die. That's just the facts of life.

So dad, when I do end up seeing you again, I'm gonna sock you in the gut. Then give you the biggest hug in the world.



  1. Hey, sweetie!! I thought I'd "drop in" today and see if you were still blogging--SO glad to see you are and I like your new look!

    Don't be too quick to give up on Relief Society--remember, you're in a student ward and much of the annoying stuff you've heard there over the years is a product of youth and inexperience. You've experienced more in your short life than most of the folks you see on campus so you have a completely different perspective on life and death. Too bad YOU weren't teaching the lesson! :-)

    I'm glad we all made it through the weekend. I hope this week is MUCH better for you. I love you so much and just want you to be happy. I know that can be a tall order, but you do have people and things in your life that can still make you smile and I hope you're able to think of them as often as possible.

    LOVE YOU!!

  2. Uggghhhh... I HATE when people tell me that so-and-so was "taken for a reason" or some horseshit about "God needed an angel", thinking that is of some comfort... this is when I say "Well if God needed an angel, he should have taken somebody else...maybe he should have taken a career criminal, offed him, and reformed him into being his newest angel"...
    you're's just a bunch of fluff...

  3. umm, people are just full of crap and say the dumbest things. A friend miscarried once, and someone actually suggested she might not be "righteous enough," to her face! It should be a law that we're allowed to bonk them on the head each and every time. There ISN'T a reason for everything. Good CAN sometimes come from awful experiences, but there is no reason for everything.