1.) On Fire by Switchfoot
2.) Run by Matt Nathanson feat. Sugarland
3.) The Last Time by Taylor Swift feat. Gary Lightbody of Snow Patrol
4.) Find a Way by SafetySuit
5.) Sooner of Later by Mat Kearney
6.) Distance by Christina Perri feat. Jason Mraz
7.) I Wanna Dance with Somebody by Whitney Houston
8.) Colder Weather by Zac Brown Band
9.) Radioactive by Imagine Dragons
10.) Love is Blindness by Jack White
11.) Same Old Lang Syne by Dan Fogelberg
12.) Turning Tables by Adele
13.) Kiss Me Slowly by Parachute
14.) Dreaming with a Broken Heart by John Mayer
15.) You Don't Know Me by Ray Charles
16.) Begin Again by Taylor Swift
17.) Miss Me by Andy Grammer
18.) Skyfall by Adele
Pretty much sums everything up. If anyone has any new music they'd like to share, leave love.
xoxo
Megatron
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Monday, January 7, 2013
Same Old Lang Syne
I hate winter, regardless of what month it is. I mean, let's face it, the only good thing about the winter is Christmas. But once Christmas is over, it's no longer a Winter Wonderland anymore.
It downright blows. Literally. The wind is bitter and biting, the ice is terrible and dangerous to drive on & it's almost painful to breathe at times because the air is so freaking cold.
But apart from all of this, January, wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for a glaringly obvious reason. To start off with, I came home last night to an apartment that was warm (for the first time in weeks) but to no water. A pipe had burst while I was at work from the cold (surprise, surprise) and now me and my roommate are without water. For 2 weeks.
In addition to this inconvenient disaster, I'm starting to lose faith in my future, in my career and in my personal life. Really the only thing I still have faith in, other than the Gospel, is my writing. I still feel like this novel I'm writing really is something special. I've lost faith in a few of my guy friends who I thought would always be there for me, & I've come to realize that a few of them only call and text me when they have nothing better to do, and not necessarily because they want to see how I'm really doing or hang out with me. Which is fine, I get it; if they're not gonna date me what's the point in keeping in contact with me? I completely and 100% understand their thinking. But the fact is, there's one huge reason why I depend on them, rely on them much more than any other person would.
The anniversary of my father's death is coming up in less than 2 weeks and it's dawned on me that this will be marker 12.
12 years. 12 years since I last saw my dad. It's even more ironic because that was the same age I was when he died. 2 months before my 13th birthday, which coincidentally, his birthday is the week before mine.
I shouldn't doubt as much as I do, but everything's changing. One of my good guy friend's is now engaged, one of 2 that I could always count on for anything, and while I'm so happy for him and so grateful that he's found someone who treats him right and who is genuinely in love with him, I realize that nothing will ever be the same again. And that happens, it's life. But it's dawned on me just how much I really do depend on my friends, particularly my guy friends, when it's probably not healthy to do so.
Sometimes I try to glean exactly why I miss Europe so much, really what I miss about Europe and I think I've narrowed it down to this: I was free, free from a lot of personal weight and baggage. I was so comfortable being out of my comfort zone. I loved the spontaneity of not knowing what to expect, but I think I especially loved not feel shackled to responsibilities, bills or relationships.
And now that this new year has started and everything's unclear, in combination with my dad's death, I feel helpless & lost. Both emotions I despise having let alone showing.
That's the main reason why the title of this newest blog is Same Old Lang Syne-- should old acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind? Should old acquaintance be forgot and old lang syne?
Well, I'm not sure about that. What I am sure about is that I miss my childhood. I miss my innocent perception of the world. I miss trusting people unequivocally and irrepressibly I miss my hopeless romantic fantasies I used to have when I'd watch Beauty & the Beast or the Princess Bride.
& especially I miss my dad.
Friday, December 14, 2012
In light of recent events
I've decided I need to blog about the various shootings that have occurred throughout the nation. And even though maybe three people in total read this blog, and even though this won't gather that much attention, regardless, I have to say something and voice what I've been thinking over the past few hours.
First off, and probably the most important thing to say is that I am absolutely shocked and horrified and sickened by what has happened in Connecticut at Sandy Hook Elementary. This was a senseless and hideous act of evil, the likes of which I had never heard of before. I had always known that this world we live in, that this country, was getting worse in the desensitization of people, in the allowance of violence and pornographic materials in movies and music and media, and in the apathy of other people's sufferings, but I did not think we were to this point yet.
To those family members, those mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, cousins, grandparents, aunts and uncles, and friends of those innocent, lovely children and of those faculty members who have been ripped from their loved ones in such a gruesome manner, I cannot tell each and every one of you how incredibly distraught and grieved that this has happened. To be separated from your loved ones in such a violent manner is something to which I know nothing about. I can only imagine the anger and pain that you are going through.
To the surviving children whose innocence has been stripped away from them, perhaps forever, I only pray that comfort, healing and happiness will eventually find its way to them.
This event has affected me much more than I thought it would. It's only been recently that I haven't been on the brink of tears at the thought of it.
Secondly, what I feel the need to say is that I find it ironic that this happened the morning after I talked about teaching children about acts of evil, and educating them somewhat concerning the horrors of the world. Even though I am not a parent, I have been an aunt since I was about 10 or 11 years old. My nieces and nephews are as much my own children as my own flesh and blood would be. I think about them all the time, pray about them, and would willingly & gladly lay my own life down for them without a moment's hesitation. Having said this, I'm sure it is difficult to talk to children about horrible things like sexual abuse, death and injustice. But I feel that we would be living in a very dangerous place if we do not talk at least somewhat concerning the bad things in the world, the things that could happen. J. K Rowling said it perfectly in an interview, regarding the Harry Potter series being too dark and scary for children:
"I have a real issue with anyone trying to protect children from their own imagination, and I think that a lot of this goes on. And if we cannot acknowledge and embrace the fact that we all have a certain degree of darkness within us, some more than other perhaps, and bring it into the light and examine it and talk about it, this part of the human condition, then I think that we will be living in a very dangerous climate. And I think that's much more damaging for children."
Now I'm not saying that I would bring my four year old to the Holocaust museum and tell them in graphic detail what happened in the concentration camps, however there comes a certain age for children that for their own emotional and even physical protection, they need to know that there are bad people out there who do bad things because they can.
Shielding children from the world is an impossible thing. And they are being exposed to evil at a younger and younger age. There was a time when they could play on the street and in the front yard without any thought that something bad would happen to them. But now, even in their own home, children are being kidnapped and abused.
Too many people are being desensitized to horrible things that have happened. The gruesome effects of war, of poverty, of dishonesty, of betrayal, of abuse and violence seem to be just another aspect of every day life. We need to be more sensitive to the things that are contrary to morality and ethics. Images and depictions of violence and pornography need to repulse us more than they do.
Lastly, concerning the inevitable debate concerning gun control. I am no redneck, and I am not a fully blown Republican "don't touch my guns" kind of person. My father, grandfather and great grandfather served in the Armed Forces, so I was exposed to guns and what they did at an early age. I still remember my father taking me and my sister to an abandoned forest in North Carolina and teaching me how to shoot off Dollar Store shot glasses off of a "No Shooting" sign.
I don't really have much of an opinion one way or another concerning gun controls, but I will say this: We cannot fight guns with less guns. If a terrorist is motivated to cause physical harm to another person for whatever the vendetta or reason, they will find a way, law or no law. Or they'll resort to other weapons that are easier to access. If it comes to it, a pencil can be used as a weapon. If you need an example of this, I'd probably give marijuana as one. Now with talk of it being legalized (I'm not sure if it has been legalized or not, I don't really care about it), I find it so ironic that it has been illegal for so long, yet it does stop any of my acquaintances or friends from acquiring it. If someone really wanted access to it, they could find it.
Now I'm not sure what the answer to this debacle is. Frankly, I couldn't really be able to tell you either way, but I do know that the places that need protection the most, are the ones that do not know how to use a firearm. I have started debating and thinking critically about getting a concealed weapons license and taking self-defense classes because it is coming to a point where not even the quietest, quaintest places in the United States are safe from evil. Maybe we should have at least one police officer in every elementary, middle, high school and college in the United States? Maybe every teacher should have a small glock in order to defend themselves against a shooter set on destroying them and their students? Maybe there should be a self-defense class that every student has to take in order to graduate? I don't know. But either way, something has got to change, and change soon.
This has been a pretty long rant, so sorry if I lost anyone along the way. But I hope my message has at least been clear. There is a reason why I don't allow myself to watch horror movies or scary movies with children in them. I find it highly disturbing whenever I see children's lives in danger, or a child afraid of something. They really are the future of our society. Our children will be leaders, and catalysts for change one day. We need to make sure that they're prepared for whatever the future has to hold for them.
To my nieces and nephews, I love you Hailey, Nathan, Connor, Cole, Hannah & Jacob. Don't be afraid of anything. You are stronger and more powerful than you could ever imagine.
Megan
First off, and probably the most important thing to say is that I am absolutely shocked and horrified and sickened by what has happened in Connecticut at Sandy Hook Elementary. This was a senseless and hideous act of evil, the likes of which I had never heard of before. I had always known that this world we live in, that this country, was getting worse in the desensitization of people, in the allowance of violence and pornographic materials in movies and music and media, and in the apathy of other people's sufferings, but I did not think we were to this point yet.
To those family members, those mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, cousins, grandparents, aunts and uncles, and friends of those innocent, lovely children and of those faculty members who have been ripped from their loved ones in such a gruesome manner, I cannot tell each and every one of you how incredibly distraught and grieved that this has happened. To be separated from your loved ones in such a violent manner is something to which I know nothing about. I can only imagine the anger and pain that you are going through.
To the surviving children whose innocence has been stripped away from them, perhaps forever, I only pray that comfort, healing and happiness will eventually find its way to them.
This event has affected me much more than I thought it would. It's only been recently that I haven't been on the brink of tears at the thought of it.
Secondly, what I feel the need to say is that I find it ironic that this happened the morning after I talked about teaching children about acts of evil, and educating them somewhat concerning the horrors of the world. Even though I am not a parent, I have been an aunt since I was about 10 or 11 years old. My nieces and nephews are as much my own children as my own flesh and blood would be. I think about them all the time, pray about them, and would willingly & gladly lay my own life down for them without a moment's hesitation. Having said this, I'm sure it is difficult to talk to children about horrible things like sexual abuse, death and injustice. But I feel that we would be living in a very dangerous place if we do not talk at least somewhat concerning the bad things in the world, the things that could happen. J. K Rowling said it perfectly in an interview, regarding the Harry Potter series being too dark and scary for children:
"I have a real issue with anyone trying to protect children from their own imagination, and I think that a lot of this goes on. And if we cannot acknowledge and embrace the fact that we all have a certain degree of darkness within us, some more than other perhaps, and bring it into the light and examine it and talk about it, this part of the human condition, then I think that we will be living in a very dangerous climate. And I think that's much more damaging for children."
Now I'm not saying that I would bring my four year old to the Holocaust museum and tell them in graphic detail what happened in the concentration camps, however there comes a certain age for children that for their own emotional and even physical protection, they need to know that there are bad people out there who do bad things because they can.
Shielding children from the world is an impossible thing. And they are being exposed to evil at a younger and younger age. There was a time when they could play on the street and in the front yard without any thought that something bad would happen to them. But now, even in their own home, children are being kidnapped and abused.
Too many people are being desensitized to horrible things that have happened. The gruesome effects of war, of poverty, of dishonesty, of betrayal, of abuse and violence seem to be just another aspect of every day life. We need to be more sensitive to the things that are contrary to morality and ethics. Images and depictions of violence and pornography need to repulse us more than they do.
Lastly, concerning the inevitable debate concerning gun control. I am no redneck, and I am not a fully blown Republican "don't touch my guns" kind of person. My father, grandfather and great grandfather served in the Armed Forces, so I was exposed to guns and what they did at an early age. I still remember my father taking me and my sister to an abandoned forest in North Carolina and teaching me how to shoot off Dollar Store shot glasses off of a "No Shooting" sign.
I don't really have much of an opinion one way or another concerning gun controls, but I will say this: We cannot fight guns with less guns. If a terrorist is motivated to cause physical harm to another person for whatever the vendetta or reason, they will find a way, law or no law. Or they'll resort to other weapons that are easier to access. If it comes to it, a pencil can be used as a weapon. If you need an example of this, I'd probably give marijuana as one. Now with talk of it being legalized (I'm not sure if it has been legalized or not, I don't really care about it), I find it so ironic that it has been illegal for so long, yet it does stop any of my acquaintances or friends from acquiring it. If someone really wanted access to it, they could find it.
Now I'm not sure what the answer to this debacle is. Frankly, I couldn't really be able to tell you either way, but I do know that the places that need protection the most, are the ones that do not know how to use a firearm. I have started debating and thinking critically about getting a concealed weapons license and taking self-defense classes because it is coming to a point where not even the quietest, quaintest places in the United States are safe from evil. Maybe we should have at least one police officer in every elementary, middle, high school and college in the United States? Maybe every teacher should have a small glock in order to defend themselves against a shooter set on destroying them and their students? Maybe there should be a self-defense class that every student has to take in order to graduate? I don't know. But either way, something has got to change, and change soon.
This has been a pretty long rant, so sorry if I lost anyone along the way. But I hope my message has at least been clear. There is a reason why I don't allow myself to watch horror movies or scary movies with children in them. I find it highly disturbing whenever I see children's lives in danger, or a child afraid of something. They really are the future of our society. Our children will be leaders, and catalysts for change one day. We need to make sure that they're prepared for whatever the future has to hold for them.
To my nieces and nephews, I love you Hailey, Nathan, Connor, Cole, Hannah & Jacob. Don't be afraid of anything. You are stronger and more powerful than you could ever imagine.
Megan
Monday, December 10, 2012
The Signature Christmas Movie
There is a movie for every season of my life, which may or may not be disconcerting.
But for the Christmas season there is only one movie that changes me every year. The acting, the music, the message, the entirety of it is simply beautiful.
The 1970 version of Scrooge with Albert Finney and Alec Guinness is my favorite Christmas movie of all time. It's almost a sacred experience for me and my family, which may sound silly, but honestly it's everything you could ever possibly want in a Christmas movie. A story about hope, love, compassion for all mankind, redemption and forgiveness.
My favorite part of the movie is probably the scenes with the Ghost of Christmas Present. After he takes Scrooge back home he very poignantly says "There is never enough time to do or say all the things that we would wish. The thing is to try to do as much as you can in the time that you have. Remember Scrooge, Time is short & suddenly, you're not there anymore."
My second favorite part is almost to the end where he sings about how he's going to take the time he has left to live and change things in his life.
I'll begin again
I will build my life
I will live to know that I've fulfilled my life
I'll begin today
Throw away the past
And the future I build will be something that will last....
I will start anew
I will make amends
And I will make quite certain that the story ends
On a note of hope
On a strong Amen
And I'll thank the world
And remember when
I was able to begin again!
May we all remember it's never too late to change the path that we're on. There is still time to live a life fulfilled and to have as little regret as possible when we leave this life to meet our Maker.
xoxo
Mega-Mega
But for the Christmas season there is only one movie that changes me every year. The acting, the music, the message, the entirety of it is simply beautiful.
The 1970 version of Scrooge with Albert Finney and Alec Guinness is my favorite Christmas movie of all time. It's almost a sacred experience for me and my family, which may sound silly, but honestly it's everything you could ever possibly want in a Christmas movie. A story about hope, love, compassion for all mankind, redemption and forgiveness.
My favorite part of the movie is probably the scenes with the Ghost of Christmas Present. After he takes Scrooge back home he very poignantly says "There is never enough time to do or say all the things that we would wish. The thing is to try to do as much as you can in the time that you have. Remember Scrooge, Time is short & suddenly, you're not there anymore."
My second favorite part is almost to the end where he sings about how he's going to take the time he has left to live and change things in his life.
I'll begin again
I will build my life
I will live to know that I've fulfilled my life
I'll begin today
Throw away the past
And the future I build will be something that will last....
I will start anew
I will make amends
And I will make quite certain that the story ends
On a note of hope
On a strong Amen
And I'll thank the world
And remember when
I was able to begin again!
May we all remember it's never too late to change the path that we're on. There is still time to live a life fulfilled and to have as little regret as possible when we leave this life to meet our Maker.
Mega-Mega
Saturday, December 8, 2012
I swore I'd never be one of those people....
Well it turns out I have.
Sad, really.
It all started last night after talking with my good friend, Stacey, at In-N-Out about how when we get a place together (whenever that may be) we desperately want a dog.
I voted either husky or german shepherd. Needless to say, if we find a german shepherd, that may be for the win.
Ever since our family had an incredible german shepherd, Maggie, I have always wanted one. I was far too young to remember her, but listening to my brother & sister & mom tell stories about her makes me feel like I knew her too.
She was obedient, loving and incredibly protective.
So this lead me to a google search for german shepherd puppies, and then it spiraled out of control for Youtube videos of german shepherd puppies playing.
I know I know! This is a travesty!
I used to always make fun of those people. & I've become one!
Oh well. I suppose there are worse things to be ashamed of. I mean, I still to this day can't sleep without the covers around my neck for fear of vampires. So that has to count for something right? :)
Well here it is. The apex of my embarrassment.
And this:
Sad, really.
It all started last night after talking with my good friend, Stacey, at In-N-Out about how when we get a place together (whenever that may be) we desperately want a dog.
I voted either husky or german shepherd. Needless to say, if we find a german shepherd, that may be for the win.
Ever since our family had an incredible german shepherd, Maggie, I have always wanted one. I was far too young to remember her, but listening to my brother & sister & mom tell stories about her makes me feel like I knew her too.
She was obedient, loving and incredibly protective.
So this lead me to a google search for german shepherd puppies, and then it spiraled out of control for Youtube videos of german shepherd puppies playing.
I know I know! This is a travesty!
I used to always make fun of those people. & I've become one!
Oh well. I suppose there are worse things to be ashamed of. I mean, I still to this day can't sleep without the covers around my neck for fear of vampires. So that has to count for something right? :)
Well here it is. The apex of my embarrassment.
Gosh I need help.
xoxo
Mega-Mega
Saturday, December 1, 2012
Sooner or Later
For the most part I'm happy with my life. I have two great jobs, one at UVU and one at Barnes & Noble. I love both of them equally. I have bosses that are fabulous, roommates that are considerate, a bishopric I really like, two working hands that type out a story every night on Microsoft Word, a set of eyes and ears that allow me to watch a variety of movies that are a necessity for my life, a brain that functions most of the time, and food on the table.
But every now and then, I go through bouts where I can't stand Utah.
Particularly, certain aspects of Utah, and my life which resides within the state limits.
On nights like this, I wanna get the hell out of here. And I'm not exaggerating.
1. I hate the fact that I'm stuck in a college town, with stupid & asinine rules about parking, curfew etc. I'm an adult. Have been for about 4 years. Don't tell me what to do.
2. I hate that I feel stuck in this God forsaken town for far too long. I can't stand the fact that I haven't been to Europe in over 2 years, and that I haven't traveled anywhere new AT ALL. I want a fresh change of scenery. Some people are content in planting roots in one place and residing there till they die. I am NOT one of those people. I need change. I don't like routine. Ergo, I wanna get OUT of here.
3. & this is probably the number on the list in which I feel most emphatically about. I am sick of the dumb-asses that classify themselves as "guys" here. And yes, I realize this is a rather strong sentiment, but I've experienced nearly 5 years of dating these retards. I think I'm entitled to call them dumb-asses. Because they are. They're commitment-phobic, unambitious, femme, indecisive, lazy, obnoxious, don't-know-what-they-want losers. I'm sick of getting texts at 10:00 at night for booty calls. I'm 23 f***ing years old. Does it sound like I want to be treated like a 900 number? I'm too old for that shit. So DON'T do it. It may have been acceptable when I was 19 but I'm not. I'm sick of getting messages that have the feeling like I'm going to be asked out and then never do. I'm sick of being treated like a "go-to" girl for a "good time" because all of the other chicks are currently unavailable or turned you down. I am not a back up plan. I am not Plan B. I'm Plan A or nothing at all. STOP being dumb-asses. I guarantee you if you don't pull your HEAD out of your ASS you will be single until the Armageddon is upon us. Which may be sooner than you think.
I guess real men lie in fiction. James Bond. Han Solo. Konstantin Dmitrievich Levin. Captain America. Flynn Ryder. Mr. Darcy. George Bailey. Because they sure as hell don't lie in Utah or Idaho or Georgia or the other places I've lived.
And you know what, if you have a problem with this, maybe that's a sign that you need to do a little bit of self-reflection. Don't try to find a scapegoat to blame or tell me I'm being unfair. If I were being unfair I would stoop to say that Edward Cullen is more of a man than you. That would really be taking it rather far I'd think.
Sooner or later I'm sure I'll find a guy who isn't a complete waste of space. Who isn't vapor. But right now it's not looking so promising.
But every now and then, I go through bouts where I can't stand Utah.
Particularly, certain aspects of Utah, and my life which resides within the state limits.
On nights like this, I wanna get the hell out of here. And I'm not exaggerating.
1. I hate the fact that I'm stuck in a college town, with stupid & asinine rules about parking, curfew etc. I'm an adult. Have been for about 4 years. Don't tell me what to do.
2. I hate that I feel stuck in this God forsaken town for far too long. I can't stand the fact that I haven't been to Europe in over 2 years, and that I haven't traveled anywhere new AT ALL. I want a fresh change of scenery. Some people are content in planting roots in one place and residing there till they die. I am NOT one of those people. I need change. I don't like routine. Ergo, I wanna get OUT of here.
3. & this is probably the number on the list in which I feel most emphatically about. I am sick of the dumb-asses that classify themselves as "guys" here. And yes, I realize this is a rather strong sentiment, but I've experienced nearly 5 years of dating these retards. I think I'm entitled to call them dumb-asses. Because they are. They're commitment-phobic, unambitious, femme, indecisive, lazy, obnoxious, don't-know-what-they-want losers. I'm sick of getting texts at 10:00 at night for booty calls. I'm 23 f***ing years old. Does it sound like I want to be treated like a 900 number? I'm too old for that shit. So DON'T do it. It may have been acceptable when I was 19 but I'm not. I'm sick of getting messages that have the feeling like I'm going to be asked out and then never do. I'm sick of being treated like a "go-to" girl for a "good time" because all of the other chicks are currently unavailable or turned you down. I am not a back up plan. I am not Plan B. I'm Plan A or nothing at all. STOP being dumb-asses. I guarantee you if you don't pull your HEAD out of your ASS you will be single until the Armageddon is upon us. Which may be sooner than you think.
I guess real men lie in fiction. James Bond. Han Solo. Konstantin Dmitrievich Levin. Captain America. Flynn Ryder. Mr. Darcy. George Bailey. Because they sure as hell don't lie in Utah or Idaho or Georgia or the other places I've lived.
And you know what, if you have a problem with this, maybe that's a sign that you need to do a little bit of self-reflection. Don't try to find a scapegoat to blame or tell me I'm being unfair. If I were being unfair I would stoop to say that Edward Cullen is more of a man than you. That would really be taking it rather far I'd think.
Sooner or later I'm sure I'll find a guy who isn't a complete waste of space. Who isn't vapor. But right now it's not looking so promising.
Thursday, November 8, 2012
Story of My Life
Probably the worst moment for any individual is a break up.
But I would venture to say that reliving a broken heart, and falling back in love with a person you know will never love you back is even more awful.
I've been pretty proud of myself that the past few blog posts hasn't been about a breakup or how awful a guy has treated me, so to spare all of the gory, unnecessary details, I'll just say this:
I can't get over a guy who's in my same ward and who I work with at least once a week in sharing the same calling. I thought I was over him well over a year ago but the truth is I was only deluding myself.
I'm crazy about him. & he'll never be crazy about me.
& you know what, that's okay. It happens. It's only supposed to work out once right? That's why we date. But the truth is, I can't do this anymore.
The hard part is, he's one of my closest friends, even one of my best guy friends. I have relied on him for multiple blessings & he's even been wonderful enough to assist me financially & to bail me out of the worst monetary crises I've had this year.
Recently, though I've realized I'm in love with him. But he has no idea. He's completely oblivious, which is typical for the male species. & I don't expect him to read between the lines, to see the light that I'm sure comes into my eyes when he sits next to me, and hear the increased breathing & heart rate when his knee brushes mine. But it does; it always has.
A year has obviously done nothing for my heart. It still wants him. And I don't know what to do about it. Either way, there's a distinct possibility that I'll lose him forever, but if I keep on pretending, I'm sure it'll only get worse with time. I mean, a year hasn't done anything at all right? Another 5 months could mean the coffin in the grave.
I don't want to say anything to him for fear of losing him. What's worse? Trying to choke down my feelings and control my emotions? Or telling him that I can't be friends with him at least for a little while.... and maybe even longer. I doubt I'm ever gonna get over him until I actually do find that one I'm supposed to be with.
Christina Perri summed it up perfectly in her song Distance. Here's the lyrics to it:
The sun is filling up the room
And I can hear you dreaming
Do you feel the way I do right now?
I wish we would just give up
Cause the best part is falling
Call it anything but love
And I will make sure to keep my distance
Say "I love you" and you're not listening
How long can we keep this up, up, up?
And please don't stand so close to me
I'm having trouble breathing
I'm afraid of what you'll see right now
I give you everything I am
All my broken heart beats
Until I know you understand
And I will make sure to keep my distance
Say "I love you" and you're not listening
How long can we keep this up, up, up?
And I keep waiting
For you to take me
You keep waiting
To say what we have
So I make sure to keep my distance
Say "I love you" and you're not listening
How long can we keep this up, up, up?
Make sure to keep my distance
Say "I love you" and you're not listening
How long til we call this love, love, love?
But I would venture to say that reliving a broken heart, and falling back in love with a person you know will never love you back is even more awful.
I've been pretty proud of myself that the past few blog posts hasn't been about a breakup or how awful a guy has treated me, so to spare all of the gory, unnecessary details, I'll just say this:
I can't get over a guy who's in my same ward and who I work with at least once a week in sharing the same calling. I thought I was over him well over a year ago but the truth is I was only deluding myself.
I'm crazy about him. & he'll never be crazy about me.
& you know what, that's okay. It happens. It's only supposed to work out once right? That's why we date. But the truth is, I can't do this anymore.
The hard part is, he's one of my closest friends, even one of my best guy friends. I have relied on him for multiple blessings & he's even been wonderful enough to assist me financially & to bail me out of the worst monetary crises I've had this year.
Recently, though I've realized I'm in love with him. But he has no idea. He's completely oblivious, which is typical for the male species. & I don't expect him to read between the lines, to see the light that I'm sure comes into my eyes when he sits next to me, and hear the increased breathing & heart rate when his knee brushes mine. But it does; it always has.
A year has obviously done nothing for my heart. It still wants him. And I don't know what to do about it. Either way, there's a distinct possibility that I'll lose him forever, but if I keep on pretending, I'm sure it'll only get worse with time. I mean, a year hasn't done anything at all right? Another 5 months could mean the coffin in the grave.
I don't want to say anything to him for fear of losing him. What's worse? Trying to choke down my feelings and control my emotions? Or telling him that I can't be friends with him at least for a little while.... and maybe even longer. I doubt I'm ever gonna get over him until I actually do find that one I'm supposed to be with.
Christina Perri summed it up perfectly in her song Distance. Here's the lyrics to it:
The sun is filling up the room
And I can hear you dreaming
Do you feel the way I do right now?
I wish we would just give up
Cause the best part is falling
Call it anything but love
And I will make sure to keep my distance
Say "I love you" and you're not listening
How long can we keep this up, up, up?
And please don't stand so close to me
I'm having trouble breathing
I'm afraid of what you'll see right now
I give you everything I am
All my broken heart beats
Until I know you understand
And I will make sure to keep my distance
Say "I love you" and you're not listening
How long can we keep this up, up, up?
And I keep waiting
For you to take me
You keep waiting
To say what we have
So I make sure to keep my distance
Say "I love you" and you're not listening
How long can we keep this up, up, up?
Make sure to keep my distance
Say "I love you" and you're not listening
How long til we call this love, love, love?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)