What it all boils down to is I get attached too easily. I blame my dad for this. Having the most important male figure in my life taken away from me before puberty screwed me up more than I realized. I don't realize this on a day to day basis...Until I get dumped. Then my entire world falls apart. I break up. I crumble into a million little pieces and for weeks I'm not even remotely like myself. I become completely and totally immersed in this main guy in my life, give everything to him, try so hard to be a good girlfriend, then when he leaves, I'm a basketcase.
Then, I spend the next few weeks trying to reinvent myself, dye my hair, buy new clothes, reread my books, rewatch Beauty & the Beast. Then, I'm constantly reminded by people on campus who hold hands, pick out engagement rings, and NUMEROUS TALKS ABOUT FAMILY & DATING AT CHURCH AND DEVOTIONALS that remind me that I'm single. For this, I blame BYU-I and Mormon culture. The constant pressure to get married and start a family is everywhere. There's absolutely no escaping it.
I can't wait to graduate and get out of this place. BYU-I has been great for me. It's a terrific school and I've learned a lot spiritually, and mentally. I've grown as a person & my testimony has never been stronger. But I'm ready to get out of this place that reminds me that at 21, almost 22, I'm basically a spinster.