Wednesday, March 16, 2011

I truly hate 'I don't knows'

Right now in my life, I feel like there is a large quantity of uncertainties that I'm trying to sift through.

I hate not knowing where my life is going, what I'm going to do or where I'm going to be after I graduate, or what I'm to expect out of my current relationship within the next few months.

I know it's an unfair judgment. I shouldn't count my chickens before they hatch, both in an optimistic or pessimistic attitude. But I feel like there's too many variables. Too many unknowns. Maybe this is why the ocean makes me nervous. Not knowing exactly what's below you as your swimming. The slight chance that you'll get sucked under or eaten by a shark.

I am content. Happy even. But I think I'm getting very weary and frustrated with all these vague inclinations that seem to be thrown at me on a daily basis. In more than one area of my life.

I'm not saying I want everything to clear up, the sky to be the perfect shade of blue or the world to suddenly stop throwing me curveballs. But what I would so like is for a little more certainty. A little more clarity.

I understand I'm being directed little by little. But I feel like this is a time in my life where I know the least about where I'm headed. Every other season of my life I at least knew generally where I was going. Now I don't even know that.

Combine that with my period & my dad's birthday tomorrow, I'm an emotional mess. Hopefully by next week I'll be more stable.

I am fine. I'm not really disappointed or depressed. Just mildly frustrated with my current predicament. It's no one's fault. It's just the nature of the beast.

I'm not asking for any visitations or bolts of lightning, I'm just asking for a whisper or maybe a light drizzle.


1 comment:

  1. heck, *I* would like the world to stop throwing me curveballs, fullstop!